A formula for maintaining a healthy and happy sexual relationship
A spoonful of this and a pinch of that: you’ll never find any shortage of culinary recipes online instructing you on how to concoct the perfect dish. Just as there are plenty of resources that will offer you advice on how to maintain a happy and healthy sexual relationship. The only problem is, a recipe for food is always rather exact, whereas a recipe for love won’t necessarily apply to everyone. With that in mind, we’re going to share a simple formula for maintaining a happy and healthy relationship with the expectation that it might not work for everyone. However, there is bound to be some wisdom in here that might help bring you and your partner closer. Let’s get stuck in!
Talk about it
Communication is the foundation upon which any healthy sexual relationship is built. If you and your partner can’t discuss your sex life together then how can you ever expect it to be successful? You must find a way to air your desires with one another, just as you need to talk about the things that you are unsatisfied with. The most successful couples never avoid conflict.
Just remember that it isn’t about fighting or making the other person feel bad – it’s about being honest and striving to understand your partner’s perspective.
Figure out how much sex is enough for you both
While there are many sexual frequency studies that find people who report having more sex tend to be more satisfied, that doesn’t necessarily mean that having as much sex as possible is the key to a happy and healthy sexual relationship.
Ideally, you need to communicate with one another and experiment in order to find a frequency that suits you both. How much sex is enough to keep you both satisfied? Could it be that the pressure of having to have too much sex is getting in the way of your happiness?
Remember that you both may have wildly different libidos and that they will be subject to change over the course of your relationship. Sometimes your partner may go through stints of feeling especially horny, while you are not, and vice versa.
Educate yourself on what you like
You must make an effort to explore your sexuality in order to get a thorough understanding of what you like. When you have a deeper sense of your own sexuality and desires it will be easier for you to communicate with your partner and share your fantasies. Masturbate often, experiment with porn, and find all of the spots that make you feel amazing. When you have this knowledge behind you, you will be better positioned to guide your partner toward pleasuring you in a way that suits you the most.
Don’t be judgemental of yourself or your partner
Both of you need to feel safe to be able to open up about your sexual desires and fantasies. There can be no shame in sex at all, otherwise, it will have a devastating effect on your sex life. Communicate with one another openly, treat each other with the utmost respect, and cultivate your connection. Just because your husband has a student/teacher fantasy scenario it doesn’t make him a pervert – nor does a woman’s desire to be spanked or gagged mean that she has “issues.” There are thousands of ways to have sex and as long as you explore your fantasies and kinks in a safe and consensual manner, it should be done without shame.
Don’t be afraid to introduce sex toys into the mix
This might not work for everyone and you certainly shouldn’t force the idea if your partner has their reservations, but introducing sex toys can be transformative for a sexual relationship. Even more so if one of you have been struggling with any form of sexual dysfunction. For example, cock rings can be great for helping men to maintain an erection during sex – just as vibrators may be able to help a woman experience an orgasm when she may have otherwise been struggling.
Again, discuss it first and take your time to explore the idea together. Using sex toys isn’t about replacing one another or making a statement about the other person being inadequate, it’s about experiencing the greatest amount of sexual pleasure, together.
Wear lingerie
There’s plenty of sexy underwear for women that can make you look and feel like a million dollars when in the bedroom. Wearing lingerie can make you feel powerful and sexy and it is a truly effective way of spicing things up in your relationship.
Remember, wearing lingerie doesn’t have to be all about pleasing your partner. In fact, one of the biggest advantages of adding lingerie into the mix is the body-positive effect that it will have on the woman. When a woman feels sexy and confident, it oozes from her and can lead to some passionate and kinky sex!
Watch pornography together
Another great tip is to watch the occasional bit of pornography together. Even if you don’t end up having full-blown sex with each other, lying next to each other in bed and masturbating to some pornography can be very erotic. It’s also a great way of breaking out of the routine and finding out more about each other’s kinks!
Seek out professional help if you need it
Don’t be afraid of speaking to a therapist. There’s a dangerous misconception and stigma surrounding couple’s therapy which suggests that it’s only for failing relationships or incompatible people and thus is a waste of time. That couldn’t be further from the truth. Seeking out professional guidance shows a willingness from both of you to find a way to make each other happy. It’s a healthy approach and if you have been struggling in your sexual relationship and would like a professional opinion, what have you gone to lose?
